A Tale of a White Thing, my Ex-friend Twine, and an Irritating Rat

Dear Fred,

My human has gone and done it again. We have had a crazy few months.

First, she took me to the atrocious, stinky vet on February 14, 2017. I woke up feeling weird and with a big white thing on my neck that I tried very hard to take off. I was even successful a couple of times until my human tightened it with twine.  (I thought twine and I were friends, but we’re definitely not anymore.)

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I looked atrocious.

I couldn’t figure out how to walk.  Naturally, Blade being afraid of literally everything new, was terrified of me. I don’t blame him, for once.

About a month after this thing that my human calls “spaying”, she comes home with the ugliest, most irritating rat I’ve ever seen. I was so pissed off.  How could she try to replace me? I yelled at both my human and the rat for a week.

This was her first day in my territory. Look at that stupid smug face:

My human kept telling everyone that the new rat was being attacked by dogs and covered and shit when she was found.  The new rat couldn’t walk very well, either.  But I knew the truth: my human was trying to replace me with a younger ginger.

The rat has been named Luna.  She and I fight a lot, mostly because she can’t seem to leave my tail alone.

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Intruder Cat Hatred

FRED, I HATE OTHER CATS.  Even Blade randomly pisses me off, though you know how much I love him.  I enjoy bathing him because heaven knows he doesn’t do a good enough job by himself, but one paw out of line and I switch from grooming to smacking in an instant.

When intruders appear on the other side of the front screen door, I threaten them loudly enough for the world to hear.  One such intruder appeared recently, and I even chased after the idiot.

Human edit: Arya went running into an adjacent room, thinking she was following the outside cat who had run off to the right. What a derp. The video starts as she returns, realising her mistake. Blade continues to complain about the intruder very loudly to me. 

Awesome Video

Oh my goodness, Fred, you have got to see this video!  It’s brilliant. It’s beyond brilliant. It deserves an Oscar!

My silly human was trying to trim my claws.  Naturally, I got angry, and kept scratching her and yowling. How dare she try to trim my claws??

She came to her senses eventually, though, and decided to make it up to me by showing me this amazing video.  I have decided to forgive her attempt to trim my claws.  She’s back in my good books.   I might even love her.

This video is going to keep me smiling for days!

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EDIT: akfdhakdjsfhadsfkjf Fred. My bloody human apparently trimmed my claws while I was watching the video.  I HATE HER.