A Tale of a White Thing, my Ex-friend Twine, and an Irritating Rat

Dear Fred,

My human has gone and done it again. We have had a crazy few months.

First, she took me to the atrocious, stinky vet on February 14, 2017. I woke up feeling weird and with a big white thing on my neck that I tried very hard to take off. I was even successful a couple of times until my human tightened it with twine.  (I thought twine and I were friends, but we’re definitely not anymore.)

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I looked atrocious.

I couldn’t figure out how to walk.  Naturally, Blade being afraid of literally everything new, was terrified of me. I don’t blame him, for once.

About a month after this thing that my human calls “spaying”, she comes home with the ugliest, most irritating rat I’ve ever seen. I was so pissed off.  How could she try to replace me? I yelled at both my human and the rat for a week.

This was her first day in my territory. Look at that stupid smug face:

My human kept telling everyone that the new rat was being attacked by dogs and covered and shit when she was found.  The new rat couldn’t walk very well, either.  But I knew the truth: my human was trying to replace me with a younger ginger.

The rat has been named Luna.  She and I fight a lot, mostly because she can’t seem to leave my tail alone.

Don’t Say “Wishy Washy”

Fred,

In case you didn’t know, whispering “wishy washy” is just about the scariest thing in the world.

 

Human edit: There was a time when Blade was a kitten and I tried whistling around them for the first time.  Arya ended up turning into  Mr. Hide, yowled and bitch-slapped him.  He was so confused. I don’t know why that happened.

Intruder Cat Hatred

FRED, I HATE OTHER CATS.  Even Blade randomly pisses me off, though you know how much I love him.  I enjoy bathing him because heaven knows he doesn’t do a good enough job by himself, but one paw out of line and I switch from grooming to smacking in an instant.

When intruders appear on the other side of the front screen door, I threaten them loudly enough for the world to hear.  One such intruder appeared recently, and I even chased after the idiot.

Human edit: Arya went running into an adjacent room, thinking she was following the outside cat who had run off to the right. What a derp. The video starts as she returns, realising her mistake. Blade continues to complain about the intruder very loudly to me.