Dearest Fred (aka the lovely Internet),
I write to you from Helm’s Deep, trying to hold my ground against an army of orcs. Circumstances are dire, Fred, and I fear the worst. I don’t even have a sword. I will, however, do my human proud, and fight with all the bravery and might I can muster.
If I survive this, I will let my human play with the green mouse of mine I’m always having to hide so that she doesn’t hog it.
Pray for me, Fred.