The Paper Vomiter

Dear Fred,

We have a new member of our household.  He’s black, and he vomits paper.

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At first I was wary of him.  Surely someone who spits out paper can’t be trusted?

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After watching him for a while I began to pity him.  Vomiting paper mustn’t be a terribly enjoyable experience.  I asked him if he needed some help.

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He proceeded to spit paper in my face.

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I don’t think it was intentional, so I’ve decided to accept him.

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He isn’t so bad.  Plus, he’s warm.

Awesome Video

Oh my goodness, Fred, you have got to see this video!  It’s brilliant. It’s beyond brilliant. It deserves an Oscar!

My silly human was trying to trim my claws.  Naturally, I got angry, and kept scratching her and yowling. How dare she try to trim my claws??

She came to her senses eventually, though, and decided to make it up to me by showing me this amazing video.  I have decided to forgive her attempt to trim my claws.  She’s back in my good books.   I might even love her.

This video is going to keep me smiling for days!

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EDIT: akfdhakdjsfhadsfkjf Fred. My bloody human apparently trimmed my claws while I was watching the video.  I HATE HER.


Dear Fred,

I’d be a fabulous actress.

I’m putting together a sophisticated portfolio for Hollywood.  (I’m also sending a sachet of catnip to Natalie Portman for when she finds she’s been outperformed, and is in need of comfort.)

A little taste of the portfolio:-

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I meow in a crowded room, but no one hears.




AAAHHHMAAAGAHHHD is that a tassle???!?!?!


Guuurl, go eat some tuna, cuz your breath stinks.


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Yeah. You came to the wrong neighbourhood.

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Quiet! That cardboard box is about to move. Any second now.



And finally, my amazing headshot:-

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Bite it, Portman.